We found out a few weeks ago that we're having another GIRL!
We've always kept the gender a surprise, so this was a switch for us. It was mostly on my initiative...Ted would always prefer a big surprise:) But after doing it that way twice, I was ready for something new. Plus, to be totally honest, I felt like I needed time to wrap my head around whatever the baby was going to be since this is the first pregnancy I've had any hopes on the gender. I know, I know--that's a horrible thing to say. But ever since last summer, there's been a big hole in my heart where a little boy was going to be, and I just wanted to fill that hole somehow, even with a different boy.
Ted and I went to a support group for miscarriages and stillbirths once, and lots of the people there had gone on to have subsequent kids (and were still attending the support group, if that tells you anything about how deep and long that scar runs). I talked to a mom afterwards about whether she was sad or relieved to have the opposite sex child after her stillbirth, and she said she was relieved. She said she believes God knows what our families need. I believe that too.
The ultrasound tech turned off the screen to label and print out the gender photo, and we sealed it in an envelope and took it home. We had a sitter lined up and a fancy dinner downtown awaiting, and had planned to open it there. But Ada came up with a fever and we picked up Bazbeaux pizza and opened it as a family instead. Jude took the picture out and Ted and I waited with baited breath as Jude furrowed his brow and read the ultrasound photo. "Burl!" he finally screamed. After some shuffling and deciphering, it turned out to be a girl:) It took a second to digest, and after it did, happiness set in. It wasn't so long ago that my prayers were fervent requests for a second chance...a heartbeat...a kick. How quickly I forget the graces stacked on me. But then I was reminded, and ended up on my knees with gratitude in the kitchen the next morning while my coffee brewed and the kids watched Cat in the Hat.
A gift. A tiny, baby girl gift. I can't WAIT to kiss her face.